"Never eat more than you can lift."

Miss Piggy

"It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears."

Plutarch

"I'm allergic to food.  Every time I eat it breaks out into fat."

Jennifer Duncan

"Food has replaced sex now.  I can't even get into my own pants."

Anonymous

"If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams."

Jason Love

"I am a nutritional overachiever."

Anonymous

"I'm not overweight.  I'm just nine inches too short."

Shelley Winters

"It's neurotic fat women who hate me....they're stupid."

Kate Moss

"I'm not fat!  I just haven't grown into my body yet, you skinny bitch."

Cartman

"A fat stomach never breeds fine thoughts."

Saint Jerome

"I'm not fat!  I'm festively plump!"

Cartman

"How to diet...if it tastes good, spit it out."

Anonymous

"The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humour."

Anonymous

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is 14 days."

Totie Fields

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets."

Anonymous

"Life itself is the proper binge."

Julia Child

"I'm in shape.  Round is a shape, isn't it?"

Anonymous

"I've been on a constant diet the past two decades.  I've lost a total of 789 pounds.  By all accounts I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."

Erma Bombeck

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through the street grates."

Dave Barry

"I am not a glutton.  I'm an explorer of food."

Erma Bombeck

"When I buy cookies, I eat just four and throw the rest away.  But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later.  Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad."

Janette Barber